Well, I thought the weirdest thing about coming back from Spain was that I feel totally normal. I was all prepared to feel weird and I didn't. Now that I come back to Bethel I realize I'm having these feelings. I'm missing Spain, I'm having a bit of a "how do I function, who are my friends, what do I do with myself, how do I spend my time" sorta life crisis. Well, not exactly a crisis, but freshman year, I always was everywhere doing everything! I frequently had 5 to 10 people in my room and life was a constant adventure. These first few days have been sort of erie. I'm definitely coming BACK. But back to what? It's like I'm trying to fit myself back into a story where I haven't been talked about since chapter 3 and it's chapter 20. My friends have had life happen and as weird as it is for me, they don't feel any different. The people I used to see on a daily basis and stop in the lounge of my freshman dorm to talk to I now look at and feel like I don't know anymore. Do they even remember I've left? How much has happened to them? How much has happened to ME? That's the question I'm finding myself asking that surprises me the most. Have I changed? Well yes of course is the obvious answer. How? How have I changed? After an entire summer at camp (life changing) and a semester in Spain (life changing) I'm looking back trying to remember the person I was and compare her to the person I am now. What's different? What's the same? It's all quite erie. Getting back into the "Bethel bubble" and the every day swing of things- such as carrying a laniard with the persistence of wearing shoes or going through the lines at the DC. Although these things are the same, my situation is different. I'm no longer in my Bodien dorm with everyone all around me. I find myself coming back to my room after class and staying here doing homework and just... being. It's weird to me- strange and foreign. I was never that kid. I was almost never in my room- always doing things. How do I get back into my old way of things? I have no habit to return to. I've got to figure out habits just like it's the first day of school, accept it's not for everyone else. I have no things I ALWAYS do or people I ALWAYS do them with. It's strange not to just go pop into someone's room and try to get them to go do something. I've decided- I'll use this unnatural solitude to focus more on schoolwork than I ever have. I'll apply myself and ride the other side of the line between sociableness and academic work. It will be strange- and probably good for me! I need to be able to focus and apply myself more than ever before and what a perfect setting to do so! I also hope to establish some sort of sociableness in my life or else my mind threatens to go crazy... but we'll see how it all works out! I'm taking an eschatology course (end times) for which I have to write a 20 page exegesis on a passage-I've picked Revelation 20: 1-10. It promises to be challenging and take a lot of thought and work. I'm ready to take on this new chapter in life and I'm praying God will make my path clear and lead me to a place of normalcy! It all still feels sort of surreal! I also find I'm missing Spain which surprises me. I loved Spain, but I'm usually not someone who misses things too much. Usually alright with the next adventure to start. As I go along, I want to start doing posts more about what I'm finding out spiritually instead of what I'm finding out culturally like last semester. Alright! We'll see how this whole re-adjustment back to Bethel thing goes!
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