Sorry I haven't written in a while- you're about to get a barrage of my entire term...
J Term is over! Boy that went fast. At a glance it looked like a lot of coldness, singing "frozen", writing exegesis, learning about Revelation, eating like a hermit crab, meeting new people, and finding a new schedule. Surprisingly, this J Term turned my life upside down just as much as my time at camp or in Spain did. God didn't fail to meet me- he delivered. Through so many genres of my life, he answered my call and upheld me. Going off of my last post, God showed me that He is the only one I need. I'm going to be completely honest and say that yeah, my friendships with people are different now. And it's really hard. Honestly, I wasn't prepared for this and it kind of blindsided me. It's been hard to get into a place of normal and in reality I'm still adjusting. I've ever so slowly begun to talk to these people more and spend more time with them. As my mom reminded me- for me, time has stopped and I'm coming back to them exactly where I left off at Bethel. For them, a whole semester has passed. I'm understanding now how much happens in that time span. To them, nothing is different. They don't notice the change because it's been gradual. For me, it's just gonna take some getting used to. It's actually kind of hard to make people understand because I can't even describe what's different. It just is. and I feel weird all the time. Weird around people I used to feel like sisters to. It may just take some more time, or I may just have to get used to a new normal. Anyways, through this, God has shown me who He is. He is big enough to handle our problems and He is ENOUGH. He really showed me how I used to lean on others instead of Him. It has forced me to go to the source of healing and joy. Not that going to others is wrong- cause it's not. God put these relationships in our lives to testify to him and bring him glory through conversation. The words of friends can be words God intended you to hear. But I think that I've been taught dependency on God in a way that even Spain didn't fulfill. This surprised me. It was in Spain I had expected to be challenged in this. Certainly not at Bethel! God has a way of doing things his way. And, I've got to say, I think His way has proven to be best. What?!?! ok, sarcasm over. He is there for me in every little "badluckerin" moment and funny situation. I had a really confusing time with my debit card where I guess I accidentally paid all installments for my tuition instead of just one month. I went to purchase something and my card was declined. After viewing a negative balance, I absolutely flipped. I thought I had fraud. It certainly took some figuring out. Thank God it wasn't fraud and only my rookie stupidity! Thank God for the woman at the business office who helped me and was so understanding! Thank God that the overdraft fee wasn't as bad as it could have been and thank God that it's all straightened out again and I've learned a lesson from it! Times like these, when things could go either way and I call out to God for help, he answers me and my life ends up just fine. No reason to worry- once again reminded. Why do I ever doubt? Another way God has met me is through my Daniel fast. The reasons for the fast were these: Of course, to be healthy and develop good habits, get fit, loose weight, ect... but the second was spiritual. I intended it to help me to be more intentional with my relationship with God. I have to admit to my human imperfection here- it seemed to become more about health and fitness to me instead of about God. I didn't feel any closer to God and I got discouraged and felt like a fraud. Doing this "for God" but not really. My mom said something that was very encouraging. She reminded me that I WASN'T doing it for me. It wasn't about how I felt. A fast is a sacrifice she told me. God tells us to be good to our bodies and take care of them. It takes discipline to do this. It takes giving up our own comfort. That's what I was doing. I finally understood and it took on a new light. Every time I wanted something, I would remember that it was a promise to God I made. Not a promise to myself. It inspired a new level of commitment that I didn't have last year. After all, I could splurge just once for _____ because that was important right? This year I answered that with a resounding NO. Nothing is more important than God. If I were to eat sugar, dairy, or meat when I had made this promise to God, that would be putting the food above the importance I place on a promise to my creator. This perspective changed the whole fast for me. It became so much more God centered, and I think that is why I felt that it was so much easier for me. Imagine that- place importance in God and make him the focus and hey! Everything works out much better! It was a deeply spiritual experience for me and I learned more this year than last. I think this will be something I'll do every January. Last time and this time also I've walked away with healthier eating habits that have lasted throughout my life. (although to be completely honest, most do dissolve-BUT some do stay and make themselves permanent!) Through this, I've found a new sort of spiritual obedience. Not just in the "Bible stuff" but the everyday life stuff that God obviously cares about but we seem to think it's not important and ignore God on. School work, health, sleep, food, priorities, ect... God should translate into every area of life. Not just the typical read your Bible more deal. The other huge thing this J Term was my class. I took Eschatology- the study of the end times. It was absolutely amazing and it may have been the best class I've ever taken. I wrote 26 pages about Revelation 20:1-10 and through that, I learned so much. I learned what it actually means to dive into the Bible. I now know how to figure out what the bible MEANS instead of just what it says on the surface. I know so much about the first century, persecutions, emperors, 7 churches, asia minor, John the apostle, and literary things. I know how to decipher things I never did before and I have a much better handle on end times prophecy. It no longer sounds like some psycho mix of weirdness. I am familiar with Revelation. Because of my paper, I've read it 5 or more times and feel very acquainted with it. Do not misunderstand me! I do NOT mean I understand it! I would rather say that I know it well enough to know that I DONT understand it. but, I have a few reasonable explanations of each prophecy and know enough to realize the signs for when Jesus does come, which I find we are commanded by Jesus to study and know! He says things for a reason and now I understand. Through writing this paper, I've not only increased my knowledge of the subject, but I have this fantastic sense of accomplishment in my 26 pages. I'm proud of my work and glad I've done it. It was very enjoyable and I would love to be a Bible scholar, but I KNOW God intends me as a teacher. The passion I feel for this I'm hoping to translate into deeper personal Bible study this spring semester. So: that's what God's been doing in my life. Now for the future: This spring semester promises to be the hardest I have encountered and will encounter in my college career. Uffdah!!! I'm taking the equivalent of 20 credits and 10 courses. Although- I'm not taking credit for violin and orchestra and 2 of my classes are gym related ones. It won't be 20 credits of academic work, but it will be time and effort. I am hoping to straighten myself out and curb my procrastination nature this semester while adding another job to my daycare one (only 4 hours a week). I figure that wednesdays I won't even have a break for lunch and only about 15 minutes for dinner while being gone from 8am to 8pm. BUT- all things through Christ who strengthens me right? Other people do it and survive right? Other people do even harder things and survive! I just have to kick my butt in gear! I'm sure this determination will waiver soon enough, but for now I'd like to hold on to it as long as I can make it stay! I'm enjoying seeing the hand of God in my life and I'm excited to see it more and more as Spring semester approaches. Prayers are always welcomed, encouraged, needed- and if you would like to shoot me a text, e-mail, or fb message for a prayer or just to talk, do it! I want more of that in my life! Anyways, that's what's going on in my life right now! Not sure how boring it was but I refuse to feel bad because you're basically reading my diary (well....only sorta) -I might be interesting, or boring but it's your fault for reading it! haha! In the words of many Biblical writers (which I love and will quote) "May the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you!" Amen